Snow Day Part 1

Great possibility there could be two post today!

Snow days are useful for a multitude of things, cleaning, being lazy, being productive, or staying in and making love.

I had an amazing devotional last night before bed. Holy month (Lent) for me is something different. It is a time a use out of the year to strengthen my relationship with my Creator, in turn heightening me spiritually inside. As I got on my knees to pray, I lit a cheap candle and placed beside it a small plastic cross I received when I was married from my Aunt Sandra. It was not an expensive trinket, but it was a gift from her heart. To me it was her small way of saying that she wanted me to always take my faith with me, everywhere I went. I received that cross in 2006 and here in 2013 after many moves, I still have it in  my possession. I need to remind myself to tell her that when I speak with her next. I cleared my head and just focused on heaven, life, love, and faith. My prayers are sacred between God and myself so I will not disclose the contents. The general message I gave to him was Thank You. I only asked for blessings for others and not myself, only Thanks for the feelings I have received.

I have to be honest, with all the writing, research, and speaking out I am doing. I feel like its the first time my dreams are matching my reality. My hope that others see me for the way I see me, is in my grasp and I feel so elated these days. My feelings are so deeply rooted into the road I went down before, I feel like none of my readers could genuinely understand how amazing this is to me without knowing a little bit about me.

So part of this blog, is going to be weave my story. The majority will relate towards my progress in the quest for Legalization, I feel it necessary for you to know me as a person. To get a deeper understanding of my feelings and opinions. I really want you to share my feelings on this journey through tearing down Prohibition.

I was so apprehensive to do this, but as someone who likes to share "The Secret", I am going on my instincts and writing this out, little by little.

My childhood years were good for the most part but that doesn't mean things were always stable that way. I had Mom, Dad, Grandma as a Nanny, and my sister. I look back now and see any family disagree was spawned from our unique diversity. Grandma an old school, post depression era Evangelist....well I think that is pretty self explanatory. Dad and Mom, hippies from a peace, love, and happiness era that tried to be stern but their own upbringing often got in the way. Not to say that Dad was a lax parent, not even close. It was a zero tolerance policy in my house. Mom was a bit spacey, she came from truly humble beginnings, nothing was an open subject in their home and it truly showed. My sister tried to follow in Grandma's foot step and also trying to be the perfect child, often got me trouble for things she did. We are grown and laugh about it now, but back then that ish SUCKED.

Completely modest beginning, I am happy now that I was brought up that way because my life continued to be sacrifice and modesty.

School however turned into an entirely different story all together. Up until 3rd grade, I loved school and to this day I thank the teachers that made that possible for me. Legalization could me compensating teachers like I remember more, and putting those who have been laid off back to work with the revenue from Cannabis, just saying.

In third grade I had a horrific teacher that changed my entire perception on life. I will leave her nameless as she I am sure she has passed and her loved ones want to remember her how they perceived her, not the way I did. Specific days I felt like I was a target to destruct to her, and to this day I have no idea why. She started with my sister and the trend continued with me. If she called on me to ask a question and I got it wrong she scolded me harshly in front of the entire class. If I raised a question because I knew the answer she was never called on. If I looked away when the question was asked, she called on me simple for the pleasure of making me look stupid. We were learning how to write in cursive, yours truly was not having a successful time at it. To this day I still prefer to print, my hand writing is awesome. She held up my blue flip book with the weird giant ruled paper that we were required to write on and announced to the class: "This is what you don't want yours to look like". She smirked as she threw it back on my desk. That single event used to haunt me in everything I did for some reason. It seemed that like in school began to change from there.

Instead of telling complete stories, I am just going to make a list. To really put it out there, yes I WAS a victim of bullying. (Not the case at all now)

4th grade: Great teacher, girls in class starting to act weird, no one ever tried to be my friend, I was poor. I maintained some friendships but they were always short lived. A girls wanted me off of the playground so bad, she squeezed my hand while I was holding onto the chain. I was tiny so it hurt a lot. Self esteem level: Maintained

5th Grade: Had a great best friend, lost best friend, no one in the class like me AT ALL from what I understand. I wrote a silly note that someone took from me, the boy who sat next to me got so excited to get me in trouble he was squirming in his sit. He exaggerated what I was doing to the teacher, she took me out in the hall and made me cry for something I never did. There was even a club formed Called I Hate Stacey, everyone in the class was a member, except for me of course. That's the year the name cockroach started and I was picked on cause I didn't wear a training bra. Going to the bathroom was like going to Baghdad. Self Esteem: Dwindling

middle school.......


6th Grade; I begin to try and find myself within myself. We did not much money for school clothes but I did the best with what I had. Not the right choice, I should have just ask for 5 different color T shirt and 5 pairs of jeans so I would have been under the radar. The teach left the room from my English class and the entire class stood up, pointed and laughed at my outfit. My book bag was turned upside and my things scattered all over the floor and room for that matter. That was also the year I got sprayed with a can of Raid, I was a cockroach remember? Don't worry the boys involved were punished heavily, but it still did not erased my shame. I felt like I survived a public stoning.

7th Grade: A somewhat good year with ups and downs, my best friend Chris and I grew very close in friendship. I remember that was the year I began to laugh, and I mean really laugh. It was a small turning point, I was running from the bullying through laughter. I had bad days that were still there, like my desk being pulled out from under me and everyone though it was hilarious I had a huge bump on my head from hitting the desk table on the way down. Self Esteem: ok

8th Grade: This is where my black out mechanism comes in, I have learned to black out a lot of bad things that happened to me. That's the year I remember getting into my first fight and literally beat the hell out of the kid for teasing me for months relentlessly. I showed him that I had enough and knocked him across his face, then blooded his nose on the way to the office. Daddy didn't raise no wimp, I chopped and loaded firewood on the weekend, DON'T MESS WITH ME! I didn't get punished.....we went to the beach :-)

...................................high school.........blackout.....block....hmmmmmm........................................

Let me just sum it up:
Did not fit it
Complete outcast; even the goth kids didn't want me
Into all he shit that was not cool like Colorguard and Theatre
Everyone thought I was a slut
Most people wanted me to kill myself
I missed A LOT of school because I just didn't want to go
Then got sick for real with depression related symptoms, a weakened immune system from the asbestos in the school
Tried to kill myself.....3 times
Had sex to make myself feel better, of course it didn't work


Went to a new school in 2001 and it changed everything, it left me with many happy memories, it closed a horrible chapter in my life with a happy ending. Just made me realize good does always triumph.

So there is just a small taste of me, there will be more to come 2006-2013 should have left me completely catatonic but here I am


HAPPY